Crazy for God: How I Grew Up as One of the Elect, Helped Found the Religious Right, and Lived to Take All (or Almost All) of It Back (Paperback)
by Frank Schaeffer
If you grew up in the Christian fundamentalist/evangelical sub-culture the way I did, this book will really resonate with your own experience. At least it did for me.
Francis Schaeffer (father of the author) was a huge figure within Christian fundmentalism/Evangelicalism during the 1970s and 80s. His books are still lauded within that circle for putting an intellectual/philosophical face on biblical literalist views. Crazy for God is a tell-all book by his son outlining some of the hypocrisy and general craziness within the movement.
I read the book through two lenses. 1) Sons who aren't as successful as their fathers. 2) Former fundamentalists trying to make sense out of their upbringing and reaction to it. On both counts the book is successful, in my mind.
I couldn't put this one down. I can't remember the last time I read a book that is over 400 pages in just a few days. Frank Schaeffer writes clearly so the book is easy to read. He doesn't pull any punches, spilling all the juicy details about sex, drug use, spousal abuse, and insider conversations with leaders in the fundamentalist movement.
Others will disagree with me on this, but I think that at some level the author still respects his parents and his family, even if he has chosen a different path in his own life. I suppose some will see the book solely as a betrayal, but speaking as a former fundamentalist, one of the most difficult things in leaving that life is being able to honestly come clean about its secrets. So I tend to see the book in that light.
Paperback: 448 pages
Publisher: Da Capo Press; 1st Da Capo Press Pbk. Ed edition (September 29, 2008)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0306817500
ISBN-13: 978-0306817502
Showing posts with label evangelical. Show all posts
Showing posts with label evangelical. Show all posts
God's Politics
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1.1.06
God's Politics: Why the Right Gets It Wrong and the Left Doesn't Get It, by Jim Wallis
One thing you can't help but notice reading this book is the forceful personality of Jim Wallis. He obviously believes what he says, and has "put his money where his mouth is" with his life. Arrested over 30 times, Wallis lives the life of an activist, tirelessly proclaiming to anyone who will listen that how we treat the poor, or "the least of these" illustrates the authenticity of our Christian faith.
I agreed with a lot of this book. I think the religious and political discourse in the United States is too narrow, and has been co-opted by religious fundamentalists and secular leftists. I think there are valid problems worthy of critique on both the right and the left. Yet something also bothers me about this book.
What I like about Wallis is that he wants to critique both the religious right and the secular left. He even had a few barbs to throw in about the religious left. On the basis of the Bible, Wallis sees Christianity as the high ground upon which opposing sides can come together to provide a more consistent ethic that sees moral issues as both social and individual.
"Change the wind, transform the debate, recast the discussion, alter the context in which political decisions are being made, and you will change the outcomes." (p. 22) Wallis sees people of faith as "wind changers." I like this metaphor, which also refers to the Spirit of God, depicted as "wind" in various parts of the Bible (perhaps most notably, Genesis 1)
What I don't like about Wallis is his tendency to be a biblical literalist (although not a right-wing biblical literalist, as is so often the case). I suppose everyone who tries to live by the Bible takes some parts of it literally, and other parts of it metaphorically. Since the Religious Right couches their arguments in "proof texts" and politically expedient hermeneutic, it is probably useful to see the same thing coming from a more moderate perspective. I think it is a conscious choice on Wallis' part to see the Bible as providing a consistent moral ethic that ought to inform our politics. I tend to mistrust such attempts to systematize, but I suppose that is part and parcel of organizing politically. If Wallis was riddled with self-doubt and questioned his own beliefs, perhaps he wouldn't "have what it takes" to organize and give his whole life to his cause.
Wallis wants the Christian community to be the community that undermines, critiques, and revitalizes political discourse in the United States --a prophetic voice speaking on behalf of the marginalized. While this can be found in Scripture, many other things can also be found in Scripture. Wallis uses the Bible as his authority, and this I find somewhat troubling because in my view the Bible actually undermines all authority.
Ultimately people must take responsibility for their morality, drawing inspiration and guidance from God, the Bible, and their own conscience. I think the call to justice Wallis finds in the Bible is every bit as much of a construction as are the types of things the Religious Right constructs out of the Bible. I happen to like what Wallis has constructed, but I don't like how he pretends it is "what the Bible says" when the reality is a bit more complicated. Jim Wallis thinks that if you'll read your Bible with an ear toward the poor, you can't help but question the status quo in what he calls "our war-mongering, greedy, capitalist society." That is certainly true, but it is "having an ear toward the poor" that makes the difference, not the Bible.
Wallis shows that he is at least somewhat aware of hermeneutical difficulties when he writes, "Social location often determines biblical interpretation, and that truth goes a long way toward understanding why Christians from the United States and many other wealthy countries simply miss some of the most central themes of the Scriptures." (p. 211) Wallis interprets Mark's gospel "the poor you will always have with you," helpfully pointing out that the disciples social location assumed that they would always be dealing with the poor. The fact that they are having dinner with Simon the Leper as the story plays out proves that Jesus and his disciples were concerned with social outcasts. Yet an affluent America reads this text as an excuse to do nothing about poverty, because it can never be eliminated.
Wallis is amazingly critical of the Bush administration. Seeing this kind of critique come out of evangelical circles is perhaps the most amazing thing to come out of this book. Much of the book scathingly attacks Bush's policies at home and abroad. "The real theological problem in America today is no longer the religious Right, but the nationalist religion of the Bush administration, one that confuses the identity of the nation with the church, and God's purposes with the mission of American empire." (p. 149)
Wallis imagines an activist Christian who is not afraid to get arrested for the sake of social justice. "If biblical prophets like Amos and Isaiah had read the news about what happened to child tax credits for low-income families, for example, they surely would be out screaming on the White House lawn about the justice of God--and be quickly led away by the Secret Service." (p. 247)
The limits of Wallis' leftward leanings are most apparent in his views on gay issues. He is against gay marriage, but also against using gays as the scapegoat for straight families' problems. Wallis does favor legalizing civil unions. (p. 332). Perhaps as an evangelical the only way he can be pro-gay is to leave it to the civil government. I find it a little inconsistent that this is the only issue that he doesn't want to bring the Bible to bear on. While a more liberal religious outlook might question the Bible's applicability to modern gay and lesbian concerns, Wallis wants to stay in the evangelical camp and defuse gay marriage as a wedge issue. It seems to me like he punts, but it is hardly surprising given his social location and his over-riding passion for the poor.
Ultimately, I think Wallis' message is one America needs to hear. His call to return to biblically based values regarding the poor and disenfranchised is timely and refreshing. He models an authentic way to be Christian that differs from the prevailing conservative fundamentalist views that dominate the airwaves and the headlines. He is scandal free, lives what he believes, and has a clear and articulate message of hope for both the poor and for the rest of us called to serve Christ through serving the poor.
PUBLISHER: HarperCollins, New York. 2005. ISBN 0-06-055828-8
One thing you can't help but notice reading this book is the forceful personality of Jim Wallis. He obviously believes what he says, and has "put his money where his mouth is" with his life. Arrested over 30 times, Wallis lives the life of an activist, tirelessly proclaiming to anyone who will listen that how we treat the poor, or "the least of these" illustrates the authenticity of our Christian faith.
I agreed with a lot of this book. I think the religious and political discourse in the United States is too narrow, and has been co-opted by religious fundamentalists and secular leftists. I think there are valid problems worthy of critique on both the right and the left. Yet something also bothers me about this book.
What I like about Wallis is that he wants to critique both the religious right and the secular left. He even had a few barbs to throw in about the religious left. On the basis of the Bible, Wallis sees Christianity as the high ground upon which opposing sides can come together to provide a more consistent ethic that sees moral issues as both social and individual.
"Change the wind, transform the debate, recast the discussion, alter the context in which political decisions are being made, and you will change the outcomes." (p. 22) Wallis sees people of faith as "wind changers." I like this metaphor, which also refers to the Spirit of God, depicted as "wind" in various parts of the Bible (perhaps most notably, Genesis 1)
What I don't like about Wallis is his tendency to be a biblical literalist (although not a right-wing biblical literalist, as is so often the case). I suppose everyone who tries to live by the Bible takes some parts of it literally, and other parts of it metaphorically. Since the Religious Right couches their arguments in "proof texts" and politically expedient hermeneutic, it is probably useful to see the same thing coming from a more moderate perspective. I think it is a conscious choice on Wallis' part to see the Bible as providing a consistent moral ethic that ought to inform our politics. I tend to mistrust such attempts to systematize, but I suppose that is part and parcel of organizing politically. If Wallis was riddled with self-doubt and questioned his own beliefs, perhaps he wouldn't "have what it takes" to organize and give his whole life to his cause.
Wallis wants the Christian community to be the community that undermines, critiques, and revitalizes political discourse in the United States --a prophetic voice speaking on behalf of the marginalized. While this can be found in Scripture, many other things can also be found in Scripture. Wallis uses the Bible as his authority, and this I find somewhat troubling because in my view the Bible actually undermines all authority.
Ultimately people must take responsibility for their morality, drawing inspiration and guidance from God, the Bible, and their own conscience. I think the call to justice Wallis finds in the Bible is every bit as much of a construction as are the types of things the Religious Right constructs out of the Bible. I happen to like what Wallis has constructed, but I don't like how he pretends it is "what the Bible says" when the reality is a bit more complicated. Jim Wallis thinks that if you'll read your Bible with an ear toward the poor, you can't help but question the status quo in what he calls "our war-mongering, greedy, capitalist society." That is certainly true, but it is "having an ear toward the poor" that makes the difference, not the Bible.
Wallis shows that he is at least somewhat aware of hermeneutical difficulties when he writes, "Social location often determines biblical interpretation, and that truth goes a long way toward understanding why Christians from the United States and many other wealthy countries simply miss some of the most central themes of the Scriptures." (p. 211) Wallis interprets Mark's gospel "the poor you will always have with you," helpfully pointing out that the disciples social location assumed that they would always be dealing with the poor. The fact that they are having dinner with Simon the Leper as the story plays out proves that Jesus and his disciples were concerned with social outcasts. Yet an affluent America reads this text as an excuse to do nothing about poverty, because it can never be eliminated.
Wallis is amazingly critical of the Bush administration. Seeing this kind of critique come out of evangelical circles is perhaps the most amazing thing to come out of this book. Much of the book scathingly attacks Bush's policies at home and abroad. "The real theological problem in America today is no longer the religious Right, but the nationalist religion of the Bush administration, one that confuses the identity of the nation with the church, and God's purposes with the mission of American empire." (p. 149)
Wallis imagines an activist Christian who is not afraid to get arrested for the sake of social justice. "If biblical prophets like Amos and Isaiah had read the news about what happened to child tax credits for low-income families, for example, they surely would be out screaming on the White House lawn about the justice of God--and be quickly led away by the Secret Service." (p. 247)
The limits of Wallis' leftward leanings are most apparent in his views on gay issues. He is against gay marriage, but also against using gays as the scapegoat for straight families' problems. Wallis does favor legalizing civil unions. (p. 332). Perhaps as an evangelical the only way he can be pro-gay is to leave it to the civil government. I find it a little inconsistent that this is the only issue that he doesn't want to bring the Bible to bear on. While a more liberal religious outlook might question the Bible's applicability to modern gay and lesbian concerns, Wallis wants to stay in the evangelical camp and defuse gay marriage as a wedge issue. It seems to me like he punts, but it is hardly surprising given his social location and his over-riding passion for the poor.
Ultimately, I think Wallis' message is one America needs to hear. His call to return to biblically based values regarding the poor and disenfranchised is timely and refreshing. He models an authentic way to be Christian that differs from the prevailing conservative fundamentalist views that dominate the airwaves and the headlines. He is scandal free, lives what he believes, and has a clear and articulate message of hope for both the poor and for the rest of us called to serve Christ through serving the poor.
PUBLISHER: HarperCollins, New York. 2005. ISBN 0-06-055828-8
Hear the Difference
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21.9.04
Hear the Difference? By Robert Hansen
Sometimes one is called to write a book to correct what one perceives as an imbalance in the conventional way of thinking. In “Hear the Difference?” Robert Hansen contends that what we think is the gospel in reality is something less. This not only tends to make an idol out of whatever it is we are substituting for the gospel, but it flattens the mystery that is the gospel, causing us not to see and hear the kingdom of heaven that is at hand all around us, and preventing us from loving God with all our heart, soul, and mind. While difficult to define, Hansen maintains that the true gospel by definition must transcend every category and resist efforts to put it in terms other than itself.
So what is the difference between the Christian gospel and everything else? Hansen suggests that it is a unique way of hearing --hearing others, and hearing the biblical texts. It is not self-esteem, change, acceptance, "keeping it real," utilitarianism, experience, reason, positive thinking, good intentions, or myriad other forms of seeking. To emphasize something such as change as the heart of the gospel is to subordinate it to an imported category –-and for Hansen the gospel must never be subordinate. Painstakingly aware that to proclaim the gospel may actually prevent others from hearing it as it truly is, Hansen gives us the sense that we must listen to others and to the biblical texts more deeply and differently than we have ever listened before.
Hansen finds the gospel crystallized in Jesus' saying, “Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand.” But what is repenting? While the dominant ideology today sees repenting as the need to change oneself, the need to accept oneself, or an attempt to strike a balance between acceptance and changing, Hansen points out that all of these are cut of the same cloth. “Our active, all embracing way of hearing embraces what is different and turns it into more of what we already do” (p. 53) To be able to truly see the realm of God and to respond to it transcends all worries regarding change, acceptance, or anything in between. “It is not by doing, thinking, believing, experiencing, or having any of them that separation from [God] is ended.” (p. 64) The heart of the gospel is to depend on God, and accept God as God is, without having any expectations of God. When things go badly or when things go well, we are confronted with the question: Do we trust God? Or do we trust in things going well or things going badly? What is non-negotiable for us? What we see as non-negotiable is our gospel.
The bulk of the book consists of Hansen's critique of various ways the gospel is transformed for the worst by would-be evangelists. He is critical of pastors and churches who try to frame the gospel in terms of everyday life, because that puts “keeping it real” above the gospel. Another way people bend the gospel is to hear it as “whatever works for me.” While in the Reformation era theologians argued about grace versus works, in our era the dividing line is “what works versus what doesn't work.” (p.117) If grace is “what works” is that not just works? Hansen says that to really hear grace, one must realize that nothing works, but grace comes from God. “It is not a matter of whatever we may do, think, experience, or have. None of them will do it. . . the Christian gospel says it is a matter of God --God's grace in Jesus Christ.” (p. 129)
Insofar as choice is something we do, it misses the point. “For we are not saved by our decisions, any more than we are saved by our actions, our inclinations or intentions, positive thinking, change, acceptance or by doing the best we can. That's the whole point: we are saved by God. God is the savior, not our choosing,” (p. 158) “Even if our will is free, even if it can and does indeed make choices, this does not mean that it is within its power to bring us salvation.” (p. 165) Drawing upon Martin Luther, Hansen drives the point home that repenting is different from choosing. Repenting is turning from anything but God, to God.
While Hansen's prose sometimes seems cumbersome and would greatly benefit from a more ruthless redactor, his message is both timely and timeless. In an age of polarized and competing religious ideologies, a gospel heard through deep and compassionate listening has never been more welcome. In a culture where individualism, self-help and choice reign supreme, it was refreshing to see the gospel presented in a way that attempts to transcend all that. Finally, Hansen succeeds in calling the reader to hear the gospel anew and afresh.
PUBLISHER: Xlibris Corporation, 2000. ISBN: 1-4010-8214-9
Sometimes one is called to write a book to correct what one perceives as an imbalance in the conventional way of thinking. In “Hear the Difference?” Robert Hansen contends that what we think is the gospel in reality is something less. This not only tends to make an idol out of whatever it is we are substituting for the gospel, but it flattens the mystery that is the gospel, causing us not to see and hear the kingdom of heaven that is at hand all around us, and preventing us from loving God with all our heart, soul, and mind. While difficult to define, Hansen maintains that the true gospel by definition must transcend every category and resist efforts to put it in terms other than itself.
So what is the difference between the Christian gospel and everything else? Hansen suggests that it is a unique way of hearing --hearing others, and hearing the biblical texts. It is not self-esteem, change, acceptance, "keeping it real," utilitarianism, experience, reason, positive thinking, good intentions, or myriad other forms of seeking. To emphasize something such as change as the heart of the gospel is to subordinate it to an imported category –-and for Hansen the gospel must never be subordinate. Painstakingly aware that to proclaim the gospel may actually prevent others from hearing it as it truly is, Hansen gives us the sense that we must listen to others and to the biblical texts more deeply and differently than we have ever listened before.
Hansen finds the gospel crystallized in Jesus' saying, “Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand.” But what is repenting? While the dominant ideology today sees repenting as the need to change oneself, the need to accept oneself, or an attempt to strike a balance between acceptance and changing, Hansen points out that all of these are cut of the same cloth. “Our active, all embracing way of hearing embraces what is different and turns it into more of what we already do” (p. 53) To be able to truly see the realm of God and to respond to it transcends all worries regarding change, acceptance, or anything in between. “It is not by doing, thinking, believing, experiencing, or having any of them that separation from [God] is ended.” (p. 64) The heart of the gospel is to depend on God, and accept God as God is, without having any expectations of God. When things go badly or when things go well, we are confronted with the question: Do we trust God? Or do we trust in things going well or things going badly? What is non-negotiable for us? What we see as non-negotiable is our gospel.
The bulk of the book consists of Hansen's critique of various ways the gospel is transformed for the worst by would-be evangelists. He is critical of pastors and churches who try to frame the gospel in terms of everyday life, because that puts “keeping it real” above the gospel. Another way people bend the gospel is to hear it as “whatever works for me.” While in the Reformation era theologians argued about grace versus works, in our era the dividing line is “what works versus what doesn't work.” (p.117) If grace is “what works” is that not just works? Hansen says that to really hear grace, one must realize that nothing works, but grace comes from God. “It is not a matter of whatever we may do, think, experience, or have. None of them will do it. . . the Christian gospel says it is a matter of God --God's grace in Jesus Christ.” (p. 129)
Insofar as choice is something we do, it misses the point. “For we are not saved by our decisions, any more than we are saved by our actions, our inclinations or intentions, positive thinking, change, acceptance or by doing the best we can. That's the whole point: we are saved by God. God is the savior, not our choosing,” (p. 158) “Even if our will is free, even if it can and does indeed make choices, this does not mean that it is within its power to bring us salvation.” (p. 165) Drawing upon Martin Luther, Hansen drives the point home that repenting is different from choosing. Repenting is turning from anything but God, to God.
While Hansen's prose sometimes seems cumbersome and would greatly benefit from a more ruthless redactor, his message is both timely and timeless. In an age of polarized and competing religious ideologies, a gospel heard through deep and compassionate listening has never been more welcome. In a culture where individualism, self-help and choice reign supreme, it was refreshing to see the gospel presented in a way that attempts to transcend all that. Finally, Hansen succeeds in calling the reader to hear the gospel anew and afresh.
PUBLISHER: Xlibris Corporation, 2000. ISBN: 1-4010-8214-9
Grace @ Work
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9.7.03
Grace @ Work, third edition. Ellie Byrd, editor.
Grace @ Work is a collection of faith stories told by the members of High Tech Ministries, an Atlanta-based group of computer professionals whose purpose is, according to publisher Gregg Hinthorn, "for you to come to know Jesus, His unconditional love, His total forgiveness and the abundant life He promises all who believe in Him." (p. 8) What follows in this short book are personal vignettes told from an evangelical Christian perspective --stories told to inspire faith. I read this book looking for both "the center" and "the margins." By "the center" I mean: What are the themes that emerge over and over again in these stories? By "the margins" I mean: How do these people see faith differently from each other?
"The center" of these stories can be characterized by an unshakeable confidence that God will intervene to help the faithful --even for something as small as a lost program guide. (p. 9) Another writer finds an old soft drink bottle with two coins inside and hears the Spirit whisper, "If I can put money in a bottle, you do not have to worry about your future financial security." (p. 23) Work plays a major role in the lives of these writers, and so it is no surprise to see a very practical, results-oriented approach to God emerge. A subtext that repeats itself time and time again is the idea that if one can "let go" and give God total control of one's life, many emotional and material blessings will result. The Bible is seen like a business manual that can provide specific answers to specific questions. ". . . this project was extremely stressful. . . It was then that I turned to the Bible for an answer, and found Philippians 4:6, 'Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. . .'" (p. 35)
I found "the margins" much more interesting than "the center." These writers seemed to focus more on personal transformation than miracles or financial success. An internet security systems expert, struggling to network after her company went bankrupt, writes that surrendering to God means "actively seek[ing] Him in every person you meet and in every situation you encounter." (p. 14) Another writer, this time a CEO of a software firm, sees his own suffering during an economic downturn as character building, helping him open up to his employees and frankly discuss "concerns, fears, and uncertainties with the business." (p. 18) Another, while drawing satisfaction from his job, tells of how he has learned that serving others as a career counselor volunteer is what "leaves me hungry for more." (p. 44)
On my own personal note, Grace @ Work represents the first time someone has mailed me a book to read. I read books and write this blog because I love to read, and think about what I've read. I'm usually pretty choosy about what I'll read. Typically if someone recommends a book I'll just nod and ignore them, because most of the time when people recommend books they are making a statement about what they like to read --not what I like to read. Still, free stuff has a big draw for me. :-) So I've decided that I'll read any book that someone is willing to give me.
PUBLISHER: Hinthorn Custom Media Solutions; 2002; No ISBN
Grace @ Work is a collection of faith stories told by the members of High Tech Ministries, an Atlanta-based group of computer professionals whose purpose is, according to publisher Gregg Hinthorn, "for you to come to know Jesus, His unconditional love, His total forgiveness and the abundant life He promises all who believe in Him." (p. 8) What follows in this short book are personal vignettes told from an evangelical Christian perspective --stories told to inspire faith. I read this book looking for both "the center" and "the margins." By "the center" I mean: What are the themes that emerge over and over again in these stories? By "the margins" I mean: How do these people see faith differently from each other?
"The center" of these stories can be characterized by an unshakeable confidence that God will intervene to help the faithful --even for something as small as a lost program guide. (p. 9) Another writer finds an old soft drink bottle with two coins inside and hears the Spirit whisper, "If I can put money in a bottle, you do not have to worry about your future financial security." (p. 23) Work plays a major role in the lives of these writers, and so it is no surprise to see a very practical, results-oriented approach to God emerge. A subtext that repeats itself time and time again is the idea that if one can "let go" and give God total control of one's life, many emotional and material blessings will result. The Bible is seen like a business manual that can provide specific answers to specific questions. ". . . this project was extremely stressful. . . It was then that I turned to the Bible for an answer, and found Philippians 4:6, 'Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. . .'" (p. 35)
I found "the margins" much more interesting than "the center." These writers seemed to focus more on personal transformation than miracles or financial success. An internet security systems expert, struggling to network after her company went bankrupt, writes that surrendering to God means "actively seek[ing] Him in every person you meet and in every situation you encounter." (p. 14) Another writer, this time a CEO of a software firm, sees his own suffering during an economic downturn as character building, helping him open up to his employees and frankly discuss "concerns, fears, and uncertainties with the business." (p. 18) Another, while drawing satisfaction from his job, tells of how he has learned that serving others as a career counselor volunteer is what "leaves me hungry for more." (p. 44)
On my own personal note, Grace @ Work represents the first time someone has mailed me a book to read. I read books and write this blog because I love to read, and think about what I've read. I'm usually pretty choosy about what I'll read. Typically if someone recommends a book I'll just nod and ignore them, because most of the time when people recommend books they are making a statement about what they like to read --not what I like to read. Still, free stuff has a big draw for me. :-) So I've decided that I'll read any book that someone is willing to give me.
PUBLISHER: Hinthorn Custom Media Solutions; 2002; No ISBN
A Journal on Doubt
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31.8.02
A Journal On Doubt, by Bennett Wade Kilpela
A Journal On Doubt, by Bennett Wade Kilpela leaves me profoundly ambivalent. While his openness allows us a sometimes touchingly intimate look into his personal demons as he struggles to make sense of his deep-seated doubt in conservative, evangelical Christianity, the longwindedness of his manifesto and the almost neurotic way in which he swings and leaps from one somewhat shallow conclusion to another left me wishing for less length and more depth. This work could definitely use a good editor who's willing to cut chapters and pages of repetitive entries, distilling and highlighting some of the truly moving moments of self-discovery within the text.
If you're looking for first-person narratives by people leaving Christian fundamentalism behind, there are much more well-written stories out there. (One that comes to mind is http://www.theheretic.com, which unfortunately is no longer online.) What drew me to Kilpela's story, however (and what kept me reading) was that he and I share a common background and a common struggle, although we've dealt with it in different ways.
Both Kilpela and I were raised in the ultra-conservative, pietist sect called the Apostolic Lutheran Church of America, and both of us left it for greener pastures shortly after confirmation. Both of us have struggled with extreme cases of doubt in the childhood version of the faith, trying to reconcile it with what we perceive as its deficiencies, brought to light by the modern worldview. While this seems very typical in the stories I've read online of people who've left fundamentalism, I think that it reveals a great strength and a great weakness in fundamentalism in general --it is able to inspire deep feelings of loyalty and commitment, but also creates a great sense of cognitive dissonance when confronted with compelling contradictory truths from the outside world.
What makes Kilpela's story unique is his unwillingness to ever make a complete break with the basic fundamentalist propositions he was raised with. While I actually self-identified as an atheist for awhile before having the existential spiritual experience that reconnected me with the Christian faith in a liberal-leaning, post-modern way, Kilpela hangs on by the edge of his fingernails, though despair, depression, divorce, bankruptcy, and more. While he doubts aplenty, Kilpela never repudiates --he's too afraid of hell-fire to do so. Thus his eventual transformation is lesser than it might have been had he actually hit rock bottom in terms of the inadequacy of his prior formulation of Christianity.
The bottom line of Kilpela's story is this: before his period of doubt he demanded nothing less than a religious formulation that was totally unassailable by any logical argument. Now he's willing to accept that no position is air-tight, and calls a truce with ambiguity by making a "bet" on what "makes sense" to him. This "modified Pascal's wager," while not eliminating Kilpela's doubts, makes them more manageable and easier to deal with.
WEBSITE: A Journal On Doubt, by Bennett Wade Kilpela http://www.msu.edu/user/kilpela/doubtpref.htm
A Journal On Doubt, by Bennett Wade Kilpela leaves me profoundly ambivalent. While his openness allows us a sometimes touchingly intimate look into his personal demons as he struggles to make sense of his deep-seated doubt in conservative, evangelical Christianity, the longwindedness of his manifesto and the almost neurotic way in which he swings and leaps from one somewhat shallow conclusion to another left me wishing for less length and more depth. This work could definitely use a good editor who's willing to cut chapters and pages of repetitive entries, distilling and highlighting some of the truly moving moments of self-discovery within the text.
If you're looking for first-person narratives by people leaving Christian fundamentalism behind, there are much more well-written stories out there. (One that comes to mind is http://www.theheretic.com, which unfortunately is no longer online.) What drew me to Kilpela's story, however (and what kept me reading) was that he and I share a common background and a common struggle, although we've dealt with it in different ways.
Both Kilpela and I were raised in the ultra-conservative, pietist sect called the Apostolic Lutheran Church of America, and both of us left it for greener pastures shortly after confirmation. Both of us have struggled with extreme cases of doubt in the childhood version of the faith, trying to reconcile it with what we perceive as its deficiencies, brought to light by the modern worldview. While this seems very typical in the stories I've read online of people who've left fundamentalism, I think that it reveals a great strength and a great weakness in fundamentalism in general --it is able to inspire deep feelings of loyalty and commitment, but also creates a great sense of cognitive dissonance when confronted with compelling contradictory truths from the outside world.
What makes Kilpela's story unique is his unwillingness to ever make a complete break with the basic fundamentalist propositions he was raised with. While I actually self-identified as an atheist for awhile before having the existential spiritual experience that reconnected me with the Christian faith in a liberal-leaning, post-modern way, Kilpela hangs on by the edge of his fingernails, though despair, depression, divorce, bankruptcy, and more. While he doubts aplenty, Kilpela never repudiates --he's too afraid of hell-fire to do so. Thus his eventual transformation is lesser than it might have been had he actually hit rock bottom in terms of the inadequacy of his prior formulation of Christianity.
The bottom line of Kilpela's story is this: before his period of doubt he demanded nothing less than a religious formulation that was totally unassailable by any logical argument. Now he's willing to accept that no position is air-tight, and calls a truce with ambiguity by making a "bet" on what "makes sense" to him. This "modified Pascal's wager," while not eliminating Kilpela's doubts, makes them more manageable and easier to deal with.
WEBSITE: A Journal On Doubt, by Bennett Wade Kilpela http://www.msu.edu/user/kilpela/doubtpref.htm
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Labels:
apologetics,
christianity,
evangelical,
fundamentalist,
laestadianism,
personal stories,
testimony
Just As I Am
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27.6.02
Just As I Am: The Autobiography of Billy Graham
Billy Graham is a man who has impressed me (both positively and negatively) for quite some time, and Just As I Am is an equally impressive treatment of his life and ministry. Overly long in parts, the book nonetheless gives a fascinating look into his ministry, family life, personal convictions, and interactions with many famous political figures. While Graham's evangelically focused message of faith and repentance may be simple, Just As I Am shows us the complexity of the man himself, and the surpassingly open-minded way in which he reacts and interacts with those who hold differing theological views than himself.
One of the things the book does best is show how Billy Graham has evolved over the years. Recounting his first meetings with a United States president, Graham candidly admits to country-bumpkin manners and overly flashy showmanship (including an impromptu prayer on the White House lawn while photographers' cameras flash) after a private audience with President Johnson. Learning from these mistakes, however, Graham proceeds to become the "pastor to the presidents," having been a personal friend of Richard Nixon and Ronald and Nancy Reagan, as well as being in amazingly close contact with presidents George Bush, Bill Clinton, and Jimmy Carter.
Just As I Am lays out Billy Graham's theological convictions shortly and simply as that of response to Christ's sacrifice on the cross by accepting responsibility for one's sins, recognizing Jesus as God on earth who died to pay the price for those sins, and (through God's help) a life in which one seeks a personal relationship with Jesus, giving God power and "lordship" and attempting to live according to God's will. This is the process that Graham believes Jesus teaches in the New Testament as being "born again." It is the type of conversion experience that Graham experienced personally as a teenager, and is fairly standard evangelical theology.
While his theology may be evangelically orthodox, however, Graham was not and is not a standard evangelical. While so much of evangelical Christianity today has gravitated towards a right-wing political agenda, Graham has been painstaking about not becoming involved in partisan politics. Although raised a Southern Democrat, and despite his deep personal friendship with Richard Nixon, Graham has explicitly refused to publicly endorse any presidential or any other political candidates, recognizing that there are sincere Christians in both major political parties. This is an attitude I think many evangelical and fundamentalist leaders would do well to adopt today, where political powder kegs such as abortion and school prayer become de facto litmus tests for acceptance in some churches, and partisan jokes and comments are commonly preached from the pulpit. Graham recognizes these attitudes as diluting the effect of the gospel message that he has devoted his life to preaching.
Another area in which Graham deviated from the conventional thought of his heyday was the issue of segregation. Believing that such racist attitudes were contrary to the Bible, Graham insisted on non-segregated seating for Crusades, and actually refused to bring his organization to South Africa because of the apartheid government there, long before such sanctions were fashionable. This alienated him from more socially conservative Christians, as well as opening the issue with more liberal groups because he didn't get directly involved in the civil rights movement of the 60s.
The cord that ties all these views together is Graham's understanding of the Bible. The main theme that runs through Just As I Am is Graham's willingness to confront any obstacle, use any technology, and sacrifice as needed in order to spread his understanding of the Christian Gospel. To Graham the gospel message is paramount, and where evangelical mores or fundamentalist norms hindered the clear articulation of that message, he innovated. Graham recognized that times change, cultures change, and preaching techniques change as circumstances warrant. However, to Graham the gospel message is timeless and personal. Graham is always quick to say that he has accomplished nothing without the support and prayers of family and friends, and has done nothing but be a willing servant of God. While containing some regrets and counting the cost of being an itinerant evangelist; on the road most of the time and away from his family, Just As I Am is generally just that; a down to earth account of an extraordinary man and what he has accomplished.
PUBLISHER: HarperCollins; ISBN: 0061010839; (March 1998)
Billy Graham is a man who has impressed me (both positively and negatively) for quite some time, and Just As I Am is an equally impressive treatment of his life and ministry. Overly long in parts, the book nonetheless gives a fascinating look into his ministry, family life, personal convictions, and interactions with many famous political figures. While Graham's evangelically focused message of faith and repentance may be simple, Just As I Am shows us the complexity of the man himself, and the surpassingly open-minded way in which he reacts and interacts with those who hold differing theological views than himself.
One of the things the book does best is show how Billy Graham has evolved over the years. Recounting his first meetings with a United States president, Graham candidly admits to country-bumpkin manners and overly flashy showmanship (including an impromptu prayer on the White House lawn while photographers' cameras flash) after a private audience with President Johnson. Learning from these mistakes, however, Graham proceeds to become the "pastor to the presidents," having been a personal friend of Richard Nixon and Ronald and Nancy Reagan, as well as being in amazingly close contact with presidents George Bush, Bill Clinton, and Jimmy Carter.
Just As I Am lays out Billy Graham's theological convictions shortly and simply as that of response to Christ's sacrifice on the cross by accepting responsibility for one's sins, recognizing Jesus as God on earth who died to pay the price for those sins, and (through God's help) a life in which one seeks a personal relationship with Jesus, giving God power and "lordship" and attempting to live according to God's will. This is the process that Graham believes Jesus teaches in the New Testament as being "born again." It is the type of conversion experience that Graham experienced personally as a teenager, and is fairly standard evangelical theology.
While his theology may be evangelically orthodox, however, Graham was not and is not a standard evangelical. While so much of evangelical Christianity today has gravitated towards a right-wing political agenda, Graham has been painstaking about not becoming involved in partisan politics. Although raised a Southern Democrat, and despite his deep personal friendship with Richard Nixon, Graham has explicitly refused to publicly endorse any presidential or any other political candidates, recognizing that there are sincere Christians in both major political parties. This is an attitude I think many evangelical and fundamentalist leaders would do well to adopt today, where political powder kegs such as abortion and school prayer become de facto litmus tests for acceptance in some churches, and partisan jokes and comments are commonly preached from the pulpit. Graham recognizes these attitudes as diluting the effect of the gospel message that he has devoted his life to preaching.
Another area in which Graham deviated from the conventional thought of his heyday was the issue of segregation. Believing that such racist attitudes were contrary to the Bible, Graham insisted on non-segregated seating for Crusades, and actually refused to bring his organization to South Africa because of the apartheid government there, long before such sanctions were fashionable. This alienated him from more socially conservative Christians, as well as opening the issue with more liberal groups because he didn't get directly involved in the civil rights movement of the 60s.
The cord that ties all these views together is Graham's understanding of the Bible. The main theme that runs through Just As I Am is Graham's willingness to confront any obstacle, use any technology, and sacrifice as needed in order to spread his understanding of the Christian Gospel. To Graham the gospel message is paramount, and where evangelical mores or fundamentalist norms hindered the clear articulation of that message, he innovated. Graham recognized that times change, cultures change, and preaching techniques change as circumstances warrant. However, to Graham the gospel message is timeless and personal. Graham is always quick to say that he has accomplished nothing without the support and prayers of family and friends, and has done nothing but be a willing servant of God. While containing some regrets and counting the cost of being an itinerant evangelist; on the road most of the time and away from his family, Just As I Am is generally just that; a down to earth account of an extraordinary man and what he has accomplished.
PUBLISHER: HarperCollins; ISBN: 0061010839; (March 1998)
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